Alright. Enough is enough.
I had this giant gruel extravaganza of posts lined up and all ready to go and never did them. I got busy and blah blah whatev. But just so I don’t have a bunch of weeping sadsacks following me around and giving me puppy dog eyes while I’m on vacation I’ll do this one giant post before the holidays happen.
I already mentioned that I’ve been obsessively watching A Christmas Carol – in all it’s zillions of incarnations ever since Halloween – and that one of my fave parts of A Christmas Carol is the gruel scene – but what you probably did NOT know is that THERE IS A PORN CHRISTMAS CAROL!!!!!!!!!!
Yes people. Christmas, Ghosts, Carol and Porn all rolled into one giant ball of weirdness. The only thing it does NOT have, however, is gruel. ARGH!!! I swear to god someday I’m gonna make my own gruel and jello salad oriented porno for me and folks exactly like me in every way. Someday….
Anyway – what I’m a gonna do here is run through the highlights of The Passions of Carol – cause it’s a little different than the original story (heh) – and I’m going to intersperse that with my gruel gifs from some of the other versions of A Christmas Carol.
Be warned though that the copy of The Passions of Carol I was able to get my hands on is pretty sub par – but beggars can’t be choosers. And for you folks with slow iphones (you know who you are) this is a gif heavy post. Just fyi.
Are you ready???!??!?!? Oh god I am so ready.
So basically we start off with Carol who owns her own nudie dude mag and because of a very sad photoset of all limp dicked models
she makes her assistant, Bob Hatchet, stay late on Christmas Eve to fix the limp dicks.
Here he is toiling away over his limp dick layout…
and apparently all he needs to fix the limp dicks is a pencil (#1 rule of porno watching – do not question anything)
Eventually Bob Hatchet goes home to his wife – who apparently uses crutches…
and they fuck in front of the tree
GRUEL INTERMISSION #2
And while all the xmas fucking is going on – over at Carol’s house, the ghost of Marley shows up…
and goes downtown on her for a bit
Then the ghost of christmas past shows up.
The ghost of Christmas past takes her back to the time when she was a little girl
and orders her friends to strip and fuck (remember, do not question the porn)
There’s a nice bj with snow in the window shot in this scene….
Makes you feel all nice and cozy, doesn’t it.
The entire “children fucking” segment is done with Ring Christmas Bells playing with single shots punctuating very odd sex moments.
There is a series of shots of some Raggedy Ann and Andy wall art and a naked lady chair…
There is also a doll that plays a big part in this scene…
but where could her arm be????
Oh!! There it is!
Then the ghost of Christmas present shows up
This is actually when we see the whole Bob Hatchet and his wife fucking scene (I jumped the gun a bit on that one).
Then the ghost of Christmas future comes and shows Carol what will happen to her if she keeps up her current lifestyle.
She’ll become a cheap ho with a fro…
who washes her customer’s dicks in the hotel sink.
Oh hell no!!!
She wakes up and goes to her roof and makes a speech about how she is going to change
And she hugs herself cause of all her newfound love of life and all that. And that’s the end.
and more eating of other stuffs…
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!!!!!