There are things in life that we all just take for granted.

Things that are just always there for us and are totally perfect in every way and that we love but that we mostly just cast aside till we really need them but then we always come crawling back to them, begging them to let us watch them just one more time.

Ok – well, maybe you don’t have to beg a DVD to let you watch it – but you get the idea.

The movie Foul Play is oh, so very much, that thing for me.  It has so much to offer and is so many things that I am really surprised that it is not more well known and completely adored by many many people….instead of just me and a select few.

First off… and I know this is probably at the top of your list cause you’re all “I thought these movie things you did were only about HORROR movie HOUSES, crafty lady!,” it has horror movie elements to it.  Yes, it does!  No foolin.  And there is a house or two in the movie.  Trust me.

For the horror oriented, there are many killings to be seen…

some bloody popcorn for your viewing pleasure….

and a crazy lady with a big knife…

Ok – that lady isn’t really in the movie.  She’s in A movie.  A movie that happens to be playing in a theater in the movie Foul Play…so technically, she is IN the movie…but not really IN the movie…

So, anywho…if it’s blood you want, you’ll get about a teaspoon full in this movie.

PLUS…it has this creepy guy…!

I know it’s not cool to single out someone as creepy just cause they’re an albino – but whatever.  I first saw this movie when I was a tween-ager and he totally creeped me out.  Sorry albino dude.  But you know he was put there cause someone was all “That dude’s creepy!”…or something.  Is there a newer PC term for albino folks nowadays btw?  Is it like Extra-White American (the American albinos, that is.  Let’s not make too many assumptions here)?  Or is that question in itself completely un-PC?  I would look it up but I’m too lazy.  Plus, I’m not in college anymore.  Heh.

ANYway.

Foul Play is also a comedy – and it has two pretty hot people in it.  And no, I’m not talking about Burgess Meredith and Brian Dennehy.  Or even Billy Barty.  Although all of them, including Dudley Moore, are in this movie (can it get any better?, you ask).  I’m talking about Chevy Chase, during his brief sexy period, and Goldie Hawn, during her life-long sexy period – but, in this case, her particularly most sexy period.

Plus this movie has so much 70s decor, lingo and sexed-up goodness, it’s virtually dripping off every scene.

Let’s start with the font used for the credits.  You already saw it up there on the title, but I’d like to show  it to you again.  Cause I could look at this shit all freaking day.

And in yellow, no less.

I’d also like to show you the first house we see in Foul Play.  Not because I like it, but because it has some nice features.  That’s the whole idea with this movie.  You might not get everything you want in one place (or house, as it were) but you can get everything you could possibly ever want hidden amongst the plants and hot-to-trot 70s dudes throughout the movie.

This first house has a great patio thing for throwing groovy, sexed-up 70s parties and a view of the Golden Gate Bridge…

plenty of plants…

And some good, old fashioned smooth moves.  Within minutes of Goldie Hawn vacating the couch a new couple swoops in and the dude is already putting some moves on the chick!

Smooth….

The next stop on the tour-of-homes in Foul Play should be Goldie Hawn’s apt, cause that comes next chronologically.  But I wanna save that for a bit – cause it’s soooo cool.  I’ll just skip ahead a bit and go over the other nifty apartments that show up in this movie.

See, I’m all about the horror houses, mansions and castles with the privacy and the lakes and motes and whatnot, but I also seriously love seeing pretty much anybody in any movie in any apartment or house or dwelling.  Maybe it’s a voyeuristic thing, or peeping tom-esque leaning.  Or maybe it’s a mad desire for decorating tips or a genuine appreciation for all things mundane.  Who knows.

So here we go to Dudley Moore’s character’s apt.  He’s a single dude who is clearly on the make.  His actual apt isn’t so exciting – but what’s he’s got in there that is really really great.

A hidden bar, hidden quadrophonic speakers, disco lighting, 8mm porn…

a hidden velvet covered bed with a mirrored, lighted ceiling and some gold mannequins looming overhead, and a sex paraphernalia closet with blow-up dolls and other stuff.   And binoculars.

I mean, wow.

Next we have an abandoned apartment complex with a sexed-up massage parlor down below.  I’ve always loved these old SF apt buildings.  Especially the ones with stores or establishments down below.

I lived next door to Dr. Gift 3000 in Queens.   That’s pretty exciting.

So, next we’ll visit Mr. Hennessey’s apt.  He’s Goldie Hawn’s landlord, played by Burgess Meredith.  He’s a world traveller anthropologist, so he’s got a pretty groovy decor going on.

Plus the really neat arched door jam with the knick knack shelf.  That is seriously cool.

Next is Goldie Hawn’s fabulous apt.  I LOVED this apt when I was a kid.  I seriously just wanted to be surrounded by her cool plants and plant patterned furniture, curtains and wallpaper.

And not only is the plant-themed decor cool, but the architecture of the building is totally great.  With carved wooden things and arches and pillars and a really fancy fireplace…

plus a bay window…

a great tile floor in the kitchen…

 and a seriously groovy Hi Fi and TV.

 And look…she’s even crafty!

I’ve also always love these streets in SF with all the hundreds of stairs going up to the apartments.  I mean, they look cool, anyway.

 So, now that we’ve seen Goldie Hawn’s cool apt, we’ll move on to Chevy Chase’s insanely groovy boat house.  Yes, I said boat house.  And if you think you’ve seen all the 70s-ness there is to see, think again.  This place is SE VEN TEEEEEES!

First we approach the house boat, and it’s cool and all…

but then we go inside and….damn….

 It just doesn’t get much more brown than this.  Ever.

And check out the reel to reel!

Also, I’d like to point out that the dude on the TV is the same newscaster dude on the other two shots of the TVs in Goldie Hawn’s apt.  Kinda funny.

The last place we’re gonna visit is this churchy place that the Archbishop lives in.  I don’t know if it’s an actual church or some kind of churchy mansion or what.  But it’s cool.  And it’s actually got a basement with…yes!  It’s got canned goods in the basement!!!  So cool!

Plus an old bird cage and some other junk….

and Brian Dennehy in a pile of onions.  Nice touch.

The entryway is really nice.

That and the nice dark woodwork lead me to believe this might be a pretty cool dwelling.  Except that the ceilings look kinda low.

 Or is that just cause Chevy Chase is so mother flipping tall.

So, I know I said that the churchy building was the last place we were gonna visit, and I didn’t lie.  But I do want to show you another great thing that I really dig.  This crazy-ass camper!

I told you Foul Play has everything!!

So, basically it doesn’t really qualify as a “horror movie” “house” in the sense that I basically want everything I want in one spot and I want it exactly the way I want it.  I mean there is a great basement with great food storage facilities in the movie, and it does have a really awesome kitchen with a mirror backsplash and a row of groovy hanging cups.  But they’re not both in the same place, unfortunately.  I mean, I can’t be expected to travel back and forth between the churchy place and a boat house every time I need some canned goods.

So, even though you’ll never have my one, true dream home, Foul Play, I will always come back to you and watch you for the thousanth millionth time.  

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