A lot has led up to this, first of many to come, post detailing my horror dream homes.  I have, for a long while now, been enraptured in fantasies of my absolutely perfect ideal home.  A home with lots of room to spread out and find some solitude, a home way way way far away from dip shit neighbors with loud-ass diesel trucks and retarded garbage-eating dogs, a house with a huge kitchen in which I can while my days away whilst I cook, can, preserve, and bake to my hearts content, a house with a deep, dark cellar that will store my home made wines and cheeses and preserves and root crops.  But above all this house must have character.  It must keep me on my toes and intrigue me at every turn.

A while back Kindertrauma  and Fascination with Fear each did separate write-ups called “There’s No Place Like Horror” – and listed horror movie houses that they would love to live in.  I absolutely loved both posts and have not been able to stop thinking about that idea ever since (mostly cause I have nothing better to do).

But my problems is – how the hell could I possibly narrow my list down to 5 or 10 or 20 even!  One of the things I love in horror movies is creepy houses and there are sooo many out there!  I also, like many nutjobs, have very special specific needs… namely a fabulous kitchen and a giant, below ground cellar.  So my ideal houses must include some semblance of a fabulous kitchen AND a cellar that could accommodate my foodstuffs – or a pretty darn good reason why not!

So, here is the very first entry into the big big big book of “I want that, and that, and that, and that…etc.”

The first house we will examine is the house in THE COLLECTOR, where an emotionally unstable Freddie Clegg keeps the kidnapped woman of his dreams, Miranda Grey.  Although this isn’t technically considered a horror movie – it’s listed as a drama/thriller – the subject matter is pretty horrifying – so we’re calling it horror.

Up top there you can see the outside view of the main house and while that’s all nice and fine and good, it’s not the main focus of my obsession.   This is…

The most unbelievably amazing and awesome cellar in the whole world.  Actually I’m sure it’s not the only one like it – but man oh man.  Man.

It’s almost too beautiful for words.  Every square inch of it is stone, including the sagging stone steps – which have seen many a perishable food item cross their path, I tell you!  In these shots Freddie has just brought Miranda to her new home.  She’s conked out and he puts her in bed and turns out the lights – so it’s pretty dark.  But soon she wakes up and….wow…

Ok – that’s last one’s a bit further into the movie – but I just LOVE the sunken bed area!  I mean, this could function as a cold cellar AND an office or lounging area.  It’s so huge and has so many possibilities.  Plus, disturbances would be kept to a minimum, as it would be near impossible to find what with the secret door.

Yes, indeed.  The inner sanctum has an outer sanctum.  More room to hang loose amongst the stone walls.  And just outside that arch to the right is the actual house.

From another angle you can see the small arched doorway at the foot of these stairs that Miranda is climbing.

Now onto the main house – which is really nothing to sneeze at.  Unfortunately the kitchen isn’t featured heavily in the movie, but it looks like it could be promising.

Nifty faucets.

And the bathroom is very cute – with a large tub and on demand water heating.

But the best part of the main part of the house is this incredible stone fireplace.
I’ve never seen one like it.  Plus the arches in the doorways are all made of stone as well.  The fireplace has 1605 carved into it – which I can only assume is the year the house was built.  
According to imdb the filming location was Gabriels Manor on Marsh Green Road in Kent, UK.  I did a search for it and found a Google map with an ariel view and on a real estate site I found this little bit of info:
The most expensive house purchase in Marsh Green Road is Gabriels Manor, which sold for £895,000 on 07/09/2000. 

I’d take it in a heartbeat – if I had a million pounds, that is.  
So, in this home, sweet home we have:
1.  AWESOME cellar
2.  very adequate kitchen
3.  pure bliss isolation
4.  lots of character
5.  incredible fireplace
I’d have to say that this is a very high ranking home, sweet home, indeed.